I’ve Never Been In A Relationship

I am 23 years old and I’ve never been in a relationship. For many years I felt confused as to why this was the case. I’ve said, “I can’t believe I’m 21 and I’ve never been in a relationship!” more times than I could count. Season after season, singleness after singleness; the statement never changed only my age increased.

Not only was I confused, I was embarrassed by it. I could deal with the question, “are you seeing someone?” I could say no and keep it moving. But, if a person asked “How long have you been single?” Cut the cameras! How do I answer that without looking like I’m from Mars?

God is from Mars. As Christians, we are from Mars as well. Let me explain: God is unconventional. His ways are out of this world (Isaiah 55:9). If He is at work in our lives, won’t our lives be different from what is normal or human? The lives we live won’t follow the patterns of this world (Romans 12:2) because of our non-conforming Orchestrator. With this in mind, is it strange that I’ve never been in a relationship?

As much as I know who God is, I still wanted to be like everyone else. Most people have been in at least 1 or 2 relationships in the past. You know what they say, “Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all” and naïvely I believed this.

A few years ago, I took matters into my own hands in a quest to meet someone. My efforts worked. I met a guy, let’s call him Dean. He was all I wanted—our yoke was equal (tick). He was tall (tick). He was dark (tick). He was handsome (double tick). He liked me. I liked him. The door was opening slightly. Bang! God slams the door. Noooooo, how could you do this to me God?

Our phone conversations weren’t going anywhere, so when he stopped calling I knew it was over. Dean did not have the confidence to take the next step. So he dashed out of my life as quickly as he came. I accept blame too because I lacked the courage to ask him what his intentions were. God ended it to stop us from wasting each other’s time.

Even though it was my fault for starting the whole thing I resented and avoided God instead of praying and laying my feelings out before Him. The anger I felt for being single for so long stopped me. How did I move from this place to being content in God?Well, it dawned on me that it didn’t make sense to fight the only person who could help me understand why I had never been in a relationship. My sour self went to Him; His love was the sweetest thing.

This was my journal entry at the time:

 “I am still single but I don’t see it as a negative thing. My renewed relationship with God has made me ecstatic. It’s the most important relationship of all…In desiring a relationship more than anything else, I behaved as though a relationship meant more to me than Jesus. Was I crazy?”

Was this the last of my discontentment? No. But I had to embark on an unhurried journey of delving into His word, pouring my real emotions onto Him. And ultimately, learning that I cannot change His timing by proactiveness or sulking. Two years later, this popular scripture resided deep in my heart:

“I know what it is to be in need and what it is to have more than enough. I have learned this secret, so that anywhere, at any time, I am content, whether I am full or hungry, whether I have too much or too little. I have the strength to face all conditions by the power that Christ gives me”—Philippians 4:12-13 (GNT)

Whether I am single or in a relationship; I have the strength to live through any relationship status by the power that Christ gives me. I had discovered what I call the gift of contentment. We cannot get the gift if we do not go to God. It is possible to be satisfied in your singleness even if you’ve always been single. I am and so can you. Contentment calmed the raging storm of wanting to be someone’s girlfriend. Now my desire to be in a relationship remains but does not run wild. I had to be still in singleness and know that He is God.


This brilliant post was written by Toju Brown. We encourage our readers to explore their faith and write about it. If this sounds like something you’ll like to do, visit our submission page – here

Views expressed by guest writers do not reflect that of Black Sisters Network.

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